duh nuh nuh nuh, duh nuh nuh nuh, clap clap – my tribute to 90210.

Thanks to technology, I have been able to download and relive the most ground-breaking, revolutionary teen soap opera on television: Beverly Hills 90210. I still remember coaxing my mother into letting me watch my first episode (Brenda imitating Laverne at the Peach Pit) or chanting “Donna Martin graduates!” during elementary school graduation. I’m getting nostalgic thinking about all the great moments: Brenda and Kelly wearing the same dress to Spring Fling, David Silver going from geek to cool (all thanks to Scott shooting himself and “bleeding all over his mom’s Persian rug”), Brandon and his sideburns asking out a different girl every week, or the Noxema girl getting killed on the day of her wedding to Dylan.

I can’t even count the number of times Steve mentions Kelly’s nose job, Donna wears spandex, Brandon finds a homeless person to help, Andrea’s name is mispronounced, or someone uses the Bel Age Hotel. To this day, whenever I meet someone from Minnesota I point out that the Walsh’s are from Minneapolis.

But the most revealing part of 90210 is how much I really love Brenda and really hate Kelly.

Brenda and Dylan were meant for each other. I loved that they dressed up as Bonnie & Clyde for Halloween, that Dylan taught Brenda how to surf in Mexico, that they donated blood together on Valentine’s Day, and that they always made out or broke up to R.E.M. playing in Dylan’s Porsche Boxster. Brenda was the most interesting and amusing girl at West Beverly with her sarcastic side-comments and her flair for drama. Although she had a rebellious side, she could always be counted on to do the right thing.

So when Dylan chose Kelly over Brenda, I cried. I cried because Kelly was an annoying, self-centered, boyfriend-stealing, best friend-backstabbing, selfish bimbo. And much to my agony, she became a self-righteous, judgmental saint. I wish she overdosed during her coke phase. That. Snob. Needed. To. Die.

duh nuh nuh nuh, duh nuh nuh nuh, clap clap.

SIGH. Where was her sponsor? Where was her mother? Where was her sister? Where were her friends? Where was I?

The Beckhams are here!

SJP wished me a happy birthday…! Does this mean I’m off the d-list and onto the c-list??

Are you suffering from Paris Fatigue? As of last night I caught the disease. Prior to last night, however, I had an email exchange with Yalda in which she basically broke down Paris to me. I had a couple questions: how did Paris look so good coming out of jail; what is her medical condition; and should I continue to wait outside her house or will she finally come back partying to Hyde? Read on for Yalda’s expert opinion:

“Paris looked good. She always looks good. And she always looks good because she is always wearing lots and lots of makeup, even at 12:15 am this morning when she was leaving Lynnwood. She was careful to mention to her makeup artist and stylist who undoubtedly paid her a visit prior to her departure that she wants to exude her new found "good-girl" image, and to make sure that her appearance in all aspects represents her so. Elliot Mintz should be having an interesting next couple of months. That is of course until Paris figures she has proven her point and reverts back to her socialite party girl ways.
As for her medical condition, Bacca described it as a personality breakdown of some sort. I didn't catch the medical term for the condition, but what I could pick up from overhearing the news this morning was that I guess its when you lose your sense of what your personality is. If so, apparently her condition was very serious, and has still not been taken care of as she is claiming to have found God, and no longer plan to be a party girl. That's definitely not Paris talking, it's her "serious medical condition." I wonder if her condition is contagious? If so, maybe she should pay her good friend Lindsay a visit in rehab, as well as Nicole, and Brit.
I looked it up, and Paris's condition is medically termed "decompensating." Wikipedia defines it as follows: "In psychiatry, decompensation is the deterioration of mental health in a patient with a previously maintained psychiatric illness, leading to a diminished ability to think and carry on daily activities." If you ask me, which I'm going to pretend you do, this is "condition" is so not serious, unless the "previously maintained psychiatric illness" is something rather serious, which I highly doubt Paris has. It just took the Police Department this long to come up with a bogus explanation as to y they let her out to begin with, and this was the only thing they could come up with that did not disclose that she has a more serious condition called a princess complex.”

Undoubtedly, we should all thank Yalda for that fascinating commentary. As for me, I watched Paris Hilton on Larry King last night. And all I thought at the end was – “Is that it?” We (and by “we” I am referring to every single newspaper, magazine, television station, media pundit, and person in the world) have been talking about Paris for the past month and at the end of it all, the only thing I learned is that jail “changed” Paris. She was so boring last night that I fell asleep during the interview. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m interested in Paris (not as much as LiLo or MK&A) because of her party girl antics, her party girl friends, her occasional feuds with her party girl friends, her party girl videos, and her party girl clothes. But I’m not interested in hearing Paris speak. So, please, Paris, keep the comments about your love for the Bible to yourself, and let’s go meet up at Teddy’s this Saturday night.

I just joined Facebook – and now face the age-old argument of Facebook v. Myspace. I deleted my Friendster account years ago, but really, Friendster was only cool for about 4 months before completely dying. So now I am left to examine whether I should delete my Myspace account, keep my Facebook account, and whether any of them are even worth thinking about. Any thoughts?

First umbrellas, now cars. This is the summer of Rihanna.

Happy 21st to Mary-Kate and Ashley!

[Can we all take a moment and admire that Chanel watch...?]

I work on the trendiest street in the entire universe. Today I walked down just one block and noticed: forty-five BlackBerrys, thirty-three Hollywood agents, twenty-eight BHHS teens outside Pinkberry, eighteen hipsters, twelve Marc Jacobs sunglasses, ten Hugo Boss suits, seven Chloé dresses, six Dolce & Gabbana purses, five coffee shops (Coffee Bean, Starbucks, Peet’s, Urth Café, Zen Zoo Tea), three B-list starlets, two Hummers, and Cameron Diaz.

And if I see another Tory Burch ballerina flat I will throw up.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Take it back, Kobe. Don’t go. Please. We love you.

Entourage + book club - Hollywood attitude + Los Feliz home = my love. Nice work, Adrian.

Questions of the day:
Did I really see Spencer Pratt Friday night outside of Privilege? And if so, where was Heidi or Brody?
Did I really get sick after my first weekend back home? My immune system needs to adjust back to LA.

Factoid of the day:
It takes 11 Persian kids, 8 Beverly Hills police officers, 3 Il Tram Nutella sandwiches, and 1 guy named Fernando with WD40 to change a flat tire.

Congrats of the day:
Everyone (and especially Neda, Samy, and Elham) who graduated this weekend from law school! Happy graduation and good luck this summer!

These past couple weeks have been very overwhelming, emotionally draining, heartrending, and frenzied. But this morning my brother and are embarking on road trip oh seven across the grand ol’ US of A. Hopefully by the end of the trek we will relax, not fight too much about the music in the car, and remember to always enjoy life and make the best out of every situation… Thank you to the Atlantians who gave me much love and support over the past couple weeks. Y’all better visit this summer!

And a very very happy happy mother’s day. Being a mom is a truly 24/7 hard job – RESPECT!

Just like April showers bring May flowers, April examinations bring May celebrations.

Until then, please rejoice in the news that The Hills has been picked up for a 3rd season by MTV. And that I will be in LA this summer with a twofold goal: to befriend LC and to stalk the Beckhams while they are filming their new reality show.

I am a couple hours away from flying to Toronto for the weekend and just wanted to jot down a few random highlights from my time in Los Angeles last week :

• Going from LAX to Camden House to Republic to Il Tram.
• Watching Steve Urkel’s entourage fight outside the club (why does Steve Urkel even have an entourage?)
• Sneaking into the Four Seasons sauna and spa at midnight.
• Dining at Bandera, where appropriate attire is required, with not-so-appropriate attire.
• Sana’s birthday dinner turned party turned game night turned jam session.
• Stalking Brandon Davis and James Blunt at the Les Deux parking lot.
• Celebrating my grandmother’s life at a memorial dinner.
• Going to Paris Hilton’s house party.
• Two subjects (the movie 300 and the city election ballots) dominating every conversation.
• Having too much fun with family and friends.

A special shout-out to everyone (Alex, Arash, Arezo, Arya, Mona, Negar, Nima, Poya, Roya, Sepeedeh, Shaadi, Vargha) who came out for Sana’s birthday (especially Safa, who flew all the way from the east coast haha) and a super special shout-out to Nika, Monica, Farid, Bassim, Yalda, Samar, Rauz, Anna, Negin, Sam, Isaac – although more than half of you don’t even read this blog, I had tons of fun on our various adventures – and am looking forward to more in the summer.

It is the first day of spring! Wishing everyone health, happiness, love, and laughter.

Spring break is great because you can do mindless questionnaires like this one below and not feel too bad about wasting your time:

Favorite coffee order: Coffee Bean nonfat soy vanilla ice blended
Favorite late-night snack: Il Tram chicken special, with an extra order of torshee
Favorite thing to do when stuck in traffic: listen to KIRN and make fun of the fobulous fobs
Favorite pizza: CPK
Favorite brunch spot: Coral Tree
Favorite club: whatever Sam Nazarian owns
Favorite vantage point: the Getty during the day, driving down the hill on the 405 during the night
Where would we be most likely to find you? taking the beach bus to Zuma or searching through the sales at Urban Outfitters
Leno or Letterman? Leno. And I heart Conan.
Britney or Christina? Christina (sorry, Britney, but you’ve been replaced until your forthcoming comeback)
Most annoying L.A. place: Pinkberry’s
Most underappreciated L.A. place: the stores and restaurants off of Ventura and Laurel Canyon
Favorite luxury: getting my eyebrows done at Vinita’s and then going next-door to Bisou for a manicure/pedicure
First concert: NSync with Samar, Nasim, Nina, and Kamron at the Great Western Forum in Inglewood
Do you still listen to Madonna? more than ever
Favorite band to see live: Justin Timberlake
Favorite jeans: Abercrombie & Fitch for day, Citizens of Humanity for night
Favorite legal drug: Myspace
Favorite candy: Charm’s blowpops
Favorite ice cream flavor: Rocky Road from Thrifty’s

Madonna for H&M: I don’t get it… but I love it!

I traveled to Dallas two weekends ago. Home to the Cowboys, Neiman Marcus, and now, Elham & Isaac. Congrats! The wedding was very nice and charming. Here are a few pictures:

Enjoy this supplement to my last post (hereafter known as the most popular post ever). Rehab is definitely the new black. So stay there, Brit!