If I was a rock star, this would be my guitar case:

Decision 2008

Only because I love you, Leo.

Drew Barrymore is now on my hit list. Click HERE.

In other news: spotted- a former gossip girl canoodling with LA’s very own party promoter last night at Foxtail. Perhaps SBE needs a new intern now that Heidi supposedly doesn’t work there?

you know you love me, t.

duh nuh nuh nuh, duh nuh nuh nuh, clap clap - that little ditty used to excite me, sending shivers up my spine in anticipation. Now, it chills my beating heart and fills my stomach with bile.

Why? Because the CW ruined 90210. Kelly Taylor is a guidance counselor? Maybe she can guide the new cast of girls on how to steal boyfriends or backstab best friends. She certainly does not need to listen to other people’s drama after her own lifetimes of drama – being addicted to diet pills, having a cokehead mom, having David Silver see her naked when she got out of the shower that one time, getting date raped, almost getting raped, actually getting raped, killing her rapist, getting caught in a house fire, being stalked, having to go to rehab, having amnesia, being shot, being in a cult, having a miscarriage, and living with Donna Martin. She also got carbon-monoxided (damn you, Tara Marks, for not finishing the job!)

Perhaps a future conversation between a student and Kelly:
Kelly: So what is the problem, kid? Rape, coke, diet pills, rape, creepy new step-brother, drunk Mom, burns from a fire, stalker, or rape?
Student: You said rape three times.

And Brenda Walsh? Everyone knows Brenda should be living in France as a full-time diva – with Dylan McKay. But of course, after tonight’s revelation, my dream of Brenda and Dylan together forever came to a disastrous end. Kelly is Dylan’s baby mama. Groan. The horror of it all!

Brenda and Dylan were meant for each other. I had imagined a post-90210 world in which Kelly died of another coke addiction and Brenda and Dylan drove around in Dylan’s Porsche Boxster listening to R.E.M. Yeah, yeah, bite my tongue, right? Well, it doesn’t even matter because the new 90210 seems a little irrelevant in a post-OC world now dominated by Gossip Girls. Take that, CW!

duh nuh nuh nuh, duh nuh nuh nuh, clap clap.

This is what I want my refrigerator to look like...

I just flew back home from Richmond, Virginia, where I learned what NASCAR is, that mosquitoes can – and will – attack, and that Virginia really is for lovers, thanks to Neda & Robbie! Congrats! The wedding was filled with family and friends, with laughter and tears, and tons of accents – New Zealander, Australian, American, Persian, and everything in between. Looking forward to their superbeautiful, supertall, superamazing, supersmart, supertravelling children!

TONIGHT. MOTHERCHUCKER.

I can barely breathe looking at the ads.

WHY NOT LOS ANGELES?!

Yves Saint Laurent FREE bag and catalogue. I will pay someone to get this tote for me... anyone?? New Yorkers? Londoners? Parisians? Please!

Dear China, the International Olympic Committee, and all the amazing athletes: Thank you! I had the best two weeks watching images of courage, strength, perseverance, goodwill, valor, magnificence, compassion, resolve, determination, beauty, admiration, and humanity. Now, the games are over, and the only tv shows I will be watching have more to do with scandal than honor. Both Gossip Girl and 90210 premiere in one week. Stay tuned for appalling, outrageous, and shocking behavior from America’s teenagers (teenagers who, judged by their behavior, are evidently not getting any sportsmanship awards, either in the Olympics or elsewhere). YES!

Courage - Nike

I may not have had luck on my side this past weekend while in Las Vegas (getting stuck in an elevator, leaving my cell phone at McDonald’s, and clashing with an American Apparel employee at the Caesar’s Palace Forum Shops) but I certainly still do believe in the Olympic spirit. And so does Nike. Just watch. Just do it.

08.08.08 !!!!

The luckiest day of the year (according to the Chinese).

Let the games begin !!!!

Thank you, John McCain, for bringing Paris Hilton and Britney Spears into the presidential elections. Due to your recent “Celeb” campaign ad, the mindless masses are now paying attention. Your ad has had more than 1.8 million hits on YouTube, it has been played on network and cable news stations, and it has raised comments from hundreds of watercoolers across the nation. The thousands of references to this ad, the rebuttal by Paris Hilton, and the free air time would normally lead me to conclude that this was a genius advertising move. It is better to have bad publicity than no publicity, right? Wrong. Perhaps that is true for actual “celebrities” like Paris and Britney, but not for someone trying to become the President of the United States. Barack Obama is not a celebrity – he is a “symbol”. And what about other “icons” turned “politicians”? Ronald Reagan? Arnold Schwarzenegger? Aren’t they from your own political party? Don’t you think if Paris and Britney can bring more attention to a campaign than even the most fierce battle over taxes and foreign policy, then there is something already amiss going on? My condolences for your impending loss.

Last night Yalda and I went to see The Virgins play at Spaceland! It was an amazing show. We danced with the hipsters, sang along to Rich Girls, stalked Lucy Liu, who was in the front row with us, and made fun of Jesse Metcalf as he was standing next to us in line for the valet. Will The Virgins have to change their band name after they become wildly successful and have tons of groupies waiting for them backstage?

Good Morning, Southern California!

Was that an earthquake? Or did you just rock my world ;)

rockin and rollin from the 24th floor,
Tala

I’m Not Here to Make Friends!


Okay, okay, we get it. You are not here to make friends. But you definitely are here to get your fifteen minutes of fame.

Speaking of... Heidi’s fifteen minutes have resulted in a question on Jeopardy. This is a sad day for America.

A couple evenings ago, I began to get ready for a “night in.” Instead, I ended up sitting next to Wilmer Valderamma’s table at Beso, dancing with David Hasselhoff at Les Deux, and crashing a party at the Roosevelt. Whoever said that staying in was the new going out never had the chance to live in LA.

You may not know this, but somebody is having a birthday this week... That’s right, it’s your old buddy America :) And to celebrate, President Bush has given all his loyal subjects Friday off. With the specter of a long flag-filled weekend looming in the horizon, some folks have decided to check out a little early- including me! I will be at Zuma, lifeguard station #7 from tomorrow till Sunday. Come out and catch a wave, eat some pie, and wear your stars and stripes. Happy Independence Day!

Welcome to SUMMER OH EIGHT.

So buy a new bathing suit, take out your sunscreen, put on your stunna shades, and join me on the beach bus to Zuma. Destination: WAY TOO HOT SUMMER.

Breaking News! Britney is an aunt. Please welcome Maddie Briann Spears into our pop-culture-loving lives.

The best part about the NBA playoffs were the Denali commercials. Seriously. Looking forward to the resurrection of the Lakers in 2009!

"Are You a Dope in Real Life Too?"

“Spencer is the man!”

“For what?”

LOL! But, seriously… for what, Heidi?!?!

Shoes of the week:

Song of the week: “Bossy”

Worker of the week: Leonardo DiCaprio

Article of the week: “The Tao of Mary Kate”

Upgrade of the week: Strawberry Shortcake

Interview of the week: Anna Wintour with New York Magazine

Quote of the week:

“One day in the distant future, the children of our children’s children will look back upon the ‘aughts’ for retro inspiration and stumble upon the sartorial black hole that is Paris Hilton. Her egregious crimes against fashion are too numerous to list here, but in this photo of Her Tragedy, accompanied by her boyfriend Benji Madden, the offending look is very wannabe It couple: If you took a snapshot of Kate Moss and Pete Doherty from two years ago, photocopied it 27 times, covered it in Velveeta, ran it through a Hot Topic sample sale and then sold it as a cheap knock-off on Canal Street, it would look like this picture.” – Elizabeth Spiridakis

Collabo of the week: Converse / Pharrell / Santogold / Julian

Party of the week:

Back to 90210??

Just got back from Poland (cześć) and Israel (shalom). AMAZING. Will post some photos up soon. A little jetlagged now, but had to share this video. Not sure how I feel about it :/

I’m en route to Poland and Israel! I’ll be blogging back in a month!

Totally disgusting and intriguing at the same time. This is getting out of hand. And no one is actually to blame. Not Karl, not Mary-Kate, not Vogue. An entire change of mindset is necessary.

Hello: floral prints, Gossip Girl, avocados, purple, Hard Candy, dance parties, NARS lip gloss, Miu Miu heels, Connect Four, zipped hem jeans, XIV.

Goodbye: horizontal stripes, The Hills, pears, yellow, E=MC2, posing parties, NARS lip stains, Miu Miu flats, Checkers, carpenter wide-leg jeans, Area.

Polygamist fashion featuring french braids and pastel-colored dresses - coming to a runway near you:

While the hipsters are passing out in the desert listening to M.I.A., Yelle, Uffie, Rilo Kiley, Kate Nash, The Teenagers, Prince, and Mark Ronson, the los ang party people too cool for Coachella can lounge tonight at On the Rox and listen to Andy Grammer and Tara Ellis. And instead of attending a super rockin festival this weekend way too far away, I will be attending a super literary festival - the LA Times Book Festival at UCLA.

Compromise? Perhaps. But mostly I am too poor to trek through awesomeness for three ultra rockin fab days. Sigh.

Greetings Upper East Siders… Gossip Girl returns tonight! Cant wait to see my favorite fictional “B” since Brenda Walsh: Blair Waldorf. Coincidence that they have the same initials?- as if…

Last night’s concert at the Hollywood Bowl was amazing. Nika, Monica, Nazanin, and I brushed our shoulders off with Jay Z and sang about no more drama with Mary J.

I have been such a bad blogger for the past couple weeks, I thought I would make it up to all of my three readers (seriously) and post a list of my top fifteen infatuations and addictions for spring / summer oh eight:

1 Yelle
2 Lila Azam Zanganeh
3 S Bar
4 Kova & T black oxy leggings
5 Deluxe: How Luxury Lost Its Luster
6 The Virgins
7 Space 15 Twenty
8 “Run”
9 Elizabeth Spiridakis
10 American Apparel pencil skirts
11 She & Him
12 “Shooting Britney”
13 The Beachcomber at Malibu Pier
14 SLS Hotels
15 Evil Paradises: Dreamworlds of NeoLiberalism

You can thank me later for the hours of fun you will have exploring.

It is spring!

Go out and pick some flowers!

Back in November, Nasim, Shahrooz, and I (along with the rest of the UK) were singing along with Leona Lewis. Five months later, the US finally discovers Bleeding Love and I have heard KISS FM put it into heavy rotation.

I haven’t decided if that means we are behind or they are. [This random thought brought to you by the fact that both ex-flatmates but forever friends are in Los Ang.]

Two-tone tights! Two-tone Mary Janes! Two-tone eyeglasses! So simple, yet so brilliant. Everything shown at this season’s Chanel show in Paris was just pure elegance.

Just a month ago, Karl Lagerfeld recreated a 75-foot Chanel jacket for the Chanel Haute Couture Spring show. This past week, he recreated a Chanel carousel for the Chanel Ready-to-Wear Fall show.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Karl Lagerfeld is a genius.

Now Jimmy Kimmel is "Doing Ben Affleck."

Revenge can be so sweet... and can also star Brad Pitt!

The Hills season premiere is in exactly one month. I just saw the trailer on MTV. I am besides myself: Lauren loves Brody, Brody loves another girl; Heidi wants to be BFF with Audrina, Lauren tells Audrina not to be BFF with Heidi; She-Pratt becomes friends with Lauren to become famous; He-Pratt and She-Pratt fight; Justin Bobby is back?; and Paris remains as my favorite city in the entire world. I. AM. BESIDES. MYSELF. And to think that I have been waiting anxiously for Gossip Girl. This is actual* drama like your baby’s momma.

If anyone else has a Lo sighting at UCLA please let me know... ahem, Ava... ahem, Mona... I’ll be there in thirty minutes.

*Please note by actual I am including: filming multiple takes, dialogue notes, producer comments, and perhaps even script changes.

Breaking News:
My girl LL and I sharing the same shirt/dress.


Who wore it better?!

Sarah Silverman “Does Matt Damon” on Jimmy Kimmel Live.

According to Wikipedia, there has been a long-running joke about Matt Damon on Jimmy Kimmel. Best part: “...on the bed, on the floor, on a towel by the door, in the tub, in the car, up against the mini-bar...” Amazing.

R.I.P. Heath Ledger.

This reminds me of River Phoenix all over again. Tragically.

This is why I heart Forever 21: all Lindsay Lo Lovers unite! And can everyone please stop telling Lindsay Lohan to lose her leggings? The girl just wants to look good and feel comfortable. No one is telling Kate Moss to no longer wear skinny jeans... which some might consider a greater offense.

London is the center of the universe.

A place where no one and everyone is a Londoner, where the prim and posh can play with the punk rockers, and where the pound rules all. To say the least, I immensely enjoyed London Town. Cheers to new experiences (and new blog entries), new beginnings, and the new year.

It is time to leave for London, where I will be living for the next couple of months. Please excuse the break, as I will be too busy navigating the Tube and stalking Prince William to blog.

A special goodbye to the random locations which entertained me all summer long: Hollywood Bowl, Troubadour, El Rey, Echoplex, Zen Zoo Tea, Le Petit Four, Bella, Katana, Tangier, Zip Fusion, 9454 Wilshire, Les Deux, Social Hollywood, Boulevard 3, and a myriad number of house parties, restaurants, lounges, pools, and places in the greater LoScandeles area.

I leave you all with these appropriate lyrics from Collective Soul:
“Oh summer
It never leaves your face
You’ve got the sunshine bright-eyed California cotton candy taste
Yeah Hollywood
You know I love you more than one should”

Drivin' Me Wild

Nasim calls it LA meets London. Considering these two places will collide soon in my world, I thought I would share. I love the random cameo by Ari Gold.

It is so hot in LA that the city is burning. Literally. So, I flew to Seattle.

When you leave California you realize that there is much more news rather than the latest club opening (Opera) or the latest celebrity sighting (Dennis Rodman at Katana). In Seattle everyone is so aware and conscious of what is going on in the world that I feel embarrassed not knowing about the latest news on Iraq or the 2008 elections. Although, luckily, thanks to Leonardo, I can contribute to conversations about the green movement and global warming.

Well, next week I'll be back in LA. Back to reality. Literally. Meeting reality stars on the street and watching reality shows!

duh nuh nuh nuh, duh nuh nuh nuh, clap clap – my tribute to 90210.

Thanks to technology, I have been able to download and relive the most ground-breaking, revolutionary teen soap opera on television: Beverly Hills 90210. I still remember coaxing my mother into letting me watch my first episode (Brenda imitating Laverne at the Peach Pit) or chanting “Donna Martin graduates!” during elementary school graduation. I’m getting nostalgic thinking about all the great moments: Brenda and Kelly wearing the same dress to Spring Fling, David Silver going from geek to cool (all thanks to Scott shooting himself and “bleeding all over his mom’s Persian rug”), Brandon and his sideburns asking out a different girl every week, or the Noxema girl getting killed on the day of her wedding to Dylan.

I can’t even count the number of times Steve mentions Kelly’s nose job, Donna wears spandex, Brandon finds a homeless person to help, Andrea’s name is mispronounced, or someone uses the Bel Age Hotel. To this day, whenever I meet someone from Minnesota I point out that the Walsh’s are from Minneapolis.

But the most revealing part of 90210 is how much I really love Brenda and really hate Kelly.

Brenda and Dylan were meant for each other. I loved that they dressed up as Bonnie & Clyde for Halloween, that Dylan taught Brenda how to surf in Mexico, that they donated blood together on Valentine’s Day, and that they always made out or broke up to R.E.M. playing in Dylan’s Porsche Boxster. Brenda was the most interesting and amusing girl at West Beverly with her sarcastic side-comments and her flair for drama. Although she had a rebellious side, she could always be counted on to do the right thing.

So when Dylan chose Kelly over Brenda, I cried. I cried because Kelly was an annoying, self-centered, boyfriend-stealing, best friend-backstabbing, selfish bimbo. And much to my agony, she became a self-righteous, judgmental saint. I wish she overdosed during her coke phase. That. Snob. Needed. To. Die.

duh nuh nuh nuh, duh nuh nuh nuh, clap clap.

SIGH. Where was her sponsor? Where was her mother? Where was her sister? Where were her friends? Where was I?

The Beckhams are here!

SJP wished me a happy birthday…! Does this mean I’m off the d-list and onto the c-list??

Are you suffering from Paris Fatigue? As of last night I caught the disease. Prior to last night, however, I had an email exchange with Yalda in which she basically broke down Paris to me. I had a couple questions: how did Paris look so good coming out of jail; what is her medical condition; and should I continue to wait outside her house or will she finally come back partying to Hyde? Read on for Yalda’s expert opinion:

“Paris looked good. She always looks good. And she always looks good because she is always wearing lots and lots of makeup, even at 12:15 am this morning when she was leaving Lynnwood. She was careful to mention to her makeup artist and stylist who undoubtedly paid her a visit prior to her departure that she wants to exude her new found "good-girl" image, and to make sure that her appearance in all aspects represents her so. Elliot Mintz should be having an interesting next couple of months. That is of course until Paris figures she has proven her point and reverts back to her socialite party girl ways.
As for her medical condition, Bacca described it as a personality breakdown of some sort. I didn't catch the medical term for the condition, but what I could pick up from overhearing the news this morning was that I guess its when you lose your sense of what your personality is. If so, apparently her condition was very serious, and has still not been taken care of as she is claiming to have found God, and no longer plan to be a party girl. That's definitely not Paris talking, it's her "serious medical condition." I wonder if her condition is contagious? If so, maybe she should pay her good friend Lindsay a visit in rehab, as well as Nicole, and Brit.
I looked it up, and Paris's condition is medically termed "decompensating." Wikipedia defines it as follows: "In psychiatry, decompensation is the deterioration of mental health in a patient with a previously maintained psychiatric illness, leading to a diminished ability to think and carry on daily activities." If you ask me, which I'm going to pretend you do, this is "condition" is so not serious, unless the "previously maintained psychiatric illness" is something rather serious, which I highly doubt Paris has. It just took the Police Department this long to come up with a bogus explanation as to y they let her out to begin with, and this was the only thing they could come up with that did not disclose that she has a more serious condition called a princess complex.”

Undoubtedly, we should all thank Yalda for that fascinating commentary. As for me, I watched Paris Hilton on Larry King last night. And all I thought at the end was – “Is that it?” We (and by “we” I am referring to every single newspaper, magazine, television station, media pundit, and person in the world) have been talking about Paris for the past month and at the end of it all, the only thing I learned is that jail “changed” Paris. She was so boring last night that I fell asleep during the interview. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m interested in Paris (not as much as LiLo or MK&A) because of her party girl antics, her party girl friends, her occasional feuds with her party girl friends, her party girl videos, and her party girl clothes. But I’m not interested in hearing Paris speak. So, please, Paris, keep the comments about your love for the Bible to yourself, and let’s go meet up at Teddy’s this Saturday night.

I just joined Facebook – and now face the age-old argument of Facebook v. Myspace. I deleted my Friendster account years ago, but really, Friendster was only cool for about 4 months before completely dying. So now I am left to examine whether I should delete my Myspace account, keep my Facebook account, and whether any of them are even worth thinking about. Any thoughts?

First umbrellas, now cars. This is the summer of Rihanna.

Happy 21st to Mary-Kate and Ashley!

[Can we all take a moment and admire that Chanel watch...?]

I work on the trendiest street in the entire universe. Today I walked down just one block and noticed: forty-five BlackBerrys, thirty-three Hollywood agents, twenty-eight BHHS teens outside Pinkberry, eighteen hipsters, twelve Marc Jacobs sunglasses, ten Hugo Boss suits, seven Chloé dresses, six Dolce & Gabbana purses, five coffee shops (Coffee Bean, Starbucks, Peet’s, Urth Café, Zen Zoo Tea), three B-list starlets, two Hummers, and Cameron Diaz.

And if I see another Tory Burch ballerina flat I will throw up.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Take it back, Kobe. Don’t go. Please. We love you.

Entourage + book club - Hollywood attitude + Los Feliz home = my love. Nice work, Adrian.

Questions of the day:
Did I really see Spencer Pratt Friday night outside of Privilege? And if so, where was Heidi or Brody?
Did I really get sick after my first weekend back home? My immune system needs to adjust back to LA.

Factoid of the day:
It takes 11 Persian kids, 8 Beverly Hills police officers, 3 Il Tram Nutella sandwiches, and 1 guy named Fernando with WD40 to change a flat tire.

Congrats of the day:
Everyone (and especially Neda, Samy, and Elham) who graduated this weekend from law school! Happy graduation and good luck this summer!

These past couple weeks have been very overwhelming, emotionally draining, heartrending, and frenzied. But this morning my brother and are embarking on road trip oh seven across the grand ol’ US of A. Hopefully by the end of the trek we will relax, not fight too much about the music in the car, and remember to always enjoy life and make the best out of every situation… Thank you to the Atlantians who gave me much love and support over the past couple weeks. Y’all better visit this summer!

And a very very happy happy mother’s day. Being a mom is a truly 24/7 hard job – RESPECT!

Just like April showers bring May flowers, April examinations bring May celebrations.

Until then, please rejoice in the news that The Hills has been picked up for a 3rd season by MTV. And that I will be in LA this summer with a twofold goal: to befriend LC and to stalk the Beckhams while they are filming their new reality show.

I am a couple hours away from flying to Toronto for the weekend and just wanted to jot down a few random highlights from my time in Los Angeles last week :

• Going from LAX to Camden House to Republic to Il Tram.
• Watching Steve Urkel’s entourage fight outside the club (why does Steve Urkel even have an entourage?)
• Sneaking into the Four Seasons sauna and spa at midnight.
• Dining at Bandera, where appropriate attire is required, with not-so-appropriate attire.
• Sana’s birthday dinner turned party turned game night turned jam session.
• Stalking Brandon Davis and James Blunt at the Les Deux parking lot.
• Celebrating my grandmother’s life at a memorial dinner.
• Going to Paris Hilton’s house party.
• Two subjects (the movie 300 and the city election ballots) dominating every conversation.
• Having too much fun with family and friends.

A special shout-out to everyone (Alex, Arash, Arezo, Arya, Mona, Negar, Nima, Poya, Roya, Sepeedeh, Shaadi, Vargha) who came out for Sana’s birthday (especially Safa, who flew all the way from the east coast haha) and a super special shout-out to Nika, Monica, Farid, Bassim, Yalda, Samar, Rauz, Anna, Negin, Sam, Isaac – although more than half of you don’t even read this blog, I had tons of fun on our various adventures – and am looking forward to more in the summer.

It is the first day of spring! Wishing everyone health, happiness, love, and laughter.

Spring break is great because you can do mindless questionnaires like this one below and not feel too bad about wasting your time:

Favorite coffee order: Coffee Bean nonfat soy vanilla ice blended
Favorite late-night snack: Il Tram chicken special, with an extra order of torshee
Favorite thing to do when stuck in traffic: listen to KIRN and make fun of the fobulous fobs
Favorite pizza: CPK
Favorite brunch spot: Coral Tree
Favorite club: whatever Sam Nazarian owns
Favorite vantage point: the Getty during the day, driving down the hill on the 405 during the night
Where would we be most likely to find you? taking the beach bus to Zuma or searching through the sales at Urban Outfitters
Leno or Letterman? Leno. And I heart Conan.
Britney or Christina? Christina (sorry, Britney, but you’ve been replaced until your forthcoming comeback)
Most annoying L.A. place: Pinkberry’s
Most underappreciated L.A. place: the stores and restaurants off of Ventura and Laurel Canyon
Favorite luxury: getting my eyebrows done at Vinita’s and then going next-door to Bisou for a manicure/pedicure
First concert: NSync with Samar, Nasim, Nina, and Kamron at the Great Western Forum in Inglewood
Do you still listen to Madonna? more than ever
Favorite band to see live: Justin Timberlake
Favorite jeans: Abercrombie & Fitch for day, Citizens of Humanity for night
Favorite legal drug: Myspace
Favorite candy: Charm’s blowpops
Favorite ice cream flavor: Rocky Road from Thrifty’s

Madonna for H&M: I don’t get it… but I love it!

I traveled to Dallas two weekends ago. Home to the Cowboys, Neiman Marcus, and now, Elham & Isaac. Congrats! The wedding was very nice and charming. Here are a few pictures:

Enjoy this supplement to my last post (hereafter known as the most popular post ever). Rehab is definitely the new black. So stay there, Brit!

An Open Letter to Britney Spears

Dear Britney:

You don’t know me. We’ve never actually met (but I did almost meet you on three occasions: Trisha and I saw you from afar when you did a press conference at the Chocolate Museum in Cologne, Germany; Vanda and I ditched a meeting – which we later got in trouble for – to come to your movie premiere of “Crossroads” at the Mann, where I shouted your name from across the street – and you ignored me; last year Lisa and I went to a club in Atlanta because we heard K Fed was performing, and you were there, hanging out with Usher). For almost ten years I have kept up with your work, your relationships, your ups and your downs. And Britney, I have to say – right now – this is a definite down. So, please. Sit down. We gotta talk. Do you wanna a Red Bull and Cheetos? Sure, go ahead. Enjoy. But, just listen.

What happened? Once, a long time ago, you were the Madonna of my life. I posted your very first Rolling Stone cover on my wall. “…Baby One More Time” was on complete replay in my head. You were America’s number one pop princess. I danced to “I’m A Slave 4 U” over and over again. When I heard you were the new Pepsi girl, I actually sat and watched the entire Superbowl just to see your ad. And Britney v. Christina? Puhlease. Christina had nothing on you. “Everytime” remains to be my favorite song and favorite video ever. Even after you and Justin broke up, I still loved you. While in London, I bought the same earrings you wore in the “Toxic” video for Samar. Rauz and I bought food at SBarro’s because it came with a free Britney single. I stalked my friends who had HBO just so I could watch your “Dream Within A Dream Tour” on tv. I bought your perfume “Curious,” although it made me smell like a sixteen year-old cheerleader. I almost cried when Leonard told me he was going to be a back-up dancer for the “My Prerogative” video and that I couldn’t come with him. Your forty-eight hour wedding in Vegas? I thought it was amusing. Vivian and I saw Jason Alexander at a club in Hollywood and went up to him just so we could say he would never have anyone better than you.

And then came K Fed. I knew it wouldn’t last. No matter what anyone said though, I still supported you. I made Negin drive back early while in Santa Barbara so we could watch the premiere episode of “Chaotic.” It was bad. But, I didn’t care. I thought you were trying to show the world you were a regular person – another girl from middle-class America – no makeup, no manners, no style. With the divorce I thought that you and Justin could finally get back together. Yalda and I prayed for this day. However, alas, I fear that is never going to happen now. For the first time, Brit, I am worried. You shaved your head. You don’t wear underwear. You look sad. I knew that you always did drugs (who in Hollywood doesn’t?) but this is out of control. I know that the paparazzi are vicious, but try to be strong. Please stay in rehab. Please get better. I love Christina’s music, but she’ll never be America’s pop princess like you were. Focus on your music, reinvent yourself, don’t date anyone for a while, and start paying attention to stylists.

Britney, I want you to be happy. I want you to sing more songs. I want to see you perform again on MTV. I want you to have your hot body again. There is life after teen pop. Ask Christina, ask Justin, even ask Jessica Simpson. Take a cue from Madonna. You always have.

with love,
Tala

P.S. Yes, you can have another Red Bull.

One line of last week’s episode of The Hills made me soooo green with envy that I wanted to stab the television. And from the looks of it, Lauren also wanted to gauge out Emily’s eyes.

“I’m taking 18 credits at NYU two days a week, I intern two days a week at Teen Vogue… and I also work one day at Chanel.” - Emily Weiss aka “super-intern”

Who gets to work at Chanel while they are in undergrad?! If I wasn’t so annoyed by her, I would want to be her. Although, I will always support Team LC for life.

IN OTHER NEWS: what is happening with B?! She is starting to scare me.

A little valentine’s day love for all my blog readers:

Has the Internet just been discovered by the mass media? Gossip blogs, online photos, stalkarazzi, Myspace, Facebook, and so many other sites I haven’t even had time to Google yet – all have the power of turning the unknown into famous, and turning the famous into celebrities and superstars. Well, narcissim is infectious. Read these great articles for more insight into our online world: Mirror, Mirror on the Web; Girls Gone Wild; and Kids, the Internet, and the End of Privacy.

A not-so-funny funny comic: